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I guess I’ll start off on a positive note. My mother only wants the best for me. She presses herself everyday to make ends meat just so I can be more and not repeat the cycle. I think her only goal for me really is to make something of myself. Even though I’m only seventeen at the moment it did take me a long time to realize even this much because I was upset and bitter toward my mom for a long time, why? Well…
I believe in the phrase it takes a “village to raise a child” so doing it alone is not easy whatsoever. My mom has been a single parent since I was about seven. Not only did my mom have to bring home the bacon but she had to cook it too. She was so busy trying to make sure we had a place to live and food to eat, there really wasn’t time for her to give me the emotional support. I am the only child so I became very independent quickly just like my mom, which now has really paid off. The decisions my mother has made really benefited me in a way that I could never repay her. On the other hand, her decisions have also not been so great and have hurt our relationship.
My mom was raised in a home with several siblings and two parents. They never had a lot of money but they got by with what they had. I was surprised to hear that she actually said she learned something from her father. Every time she talked about him to me there she didn’t have a lot of positive things to say about him. I could always tell in her voice that she was a little angry and bitter at him about certain issues that have happened in the past. With her mother, it was a different story; she really admires and appreciates her mother. It seems as though she agrees with every decision her mother has made, even if she didn’t agree with it at first. She realizes that she could have had it a lot worst in life and a lot better as well. Even though she says her brothers drove her crazy she feels good about growing up in a house with siblings that got along for the most part, it helped her be a more outgoing, sociable person. My grandparents made it crucial that their kids at least know the rest of their family and be able to pick them out of a crowd. I remember my mother telling me about how when she was a girl she remembers her mom and aunts always getting together and having “cackle meetings” as she called it every other weekend. The family would also sometimes take a trip up to New York to see their cousins and uncles, they would go sight seeing and maybe shopping and have a good time. “That was always one thing I really loved about my mom, she would always take either one of us or all of us on a road trip. Or maybe she would just put us in the car and drive around, she always took us out every weekend somewhere, anywhere.”
While interviewing my mother I realized how much she is like her own mother and how she does the same things with me. She always takes me on road trips and I see things I’ve never seen before. I am grateful to my mom and what she has sacrificed and done for me, there is no way I could repay her for what she has given me. I thank her for always thinking out her decisions, but sometimes she didn’t and still doesn’t take into consideration the affects her decisions would have on me before acting them out. I’m sure about 0% of her decisions are about or for me so it’s not like she forgets about me when making a decision, but the outcome of her decisions make me think she didn’t think about my feelings at all. One decision I think my mom never thought about was giving me emotional support. I know and understand that there was only so much that she can and could do for me and she’s not super mom. I just wish I could have got a pat on the back for good grades or a hug for cleaning my room. I think I would be a much more confident, secure person if she would have told me positive things such as “you can do anything” or “no matter what anyone says you are special and beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you different.” It really would have helped to hear these words coming from her. Sometimes she tries to say these things now but I feel it is too late to tell me because the damaged has been done from the negative kids who have taunted and scared me for life. If I had had that positive emotional support coming from her maybe I could have just shrugged it off. Now I know me being insecure and having low self-esteem is not all her fault but I just feel if she had thought about the decision of at least trying to give me confidence in myself when I was little maybe my insecurities wouldn’t eat me alive sometimes. So, with all that said I guess I’ll end this on a positive note as well, I love my mom and I always will she is an incredibly smart and clever woman. We have our differences but I hear myself in hear and vice versa. I am proud and privilege to have her as my mother. Her deciding to have me is one decision of hers I completely agree with.
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